My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjob tips. give me some.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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