Soap is not a condiment
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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