I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
