he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize