Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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