Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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