You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
