I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
