I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
