Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize