She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
