What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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