She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
