That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
