I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
