we have pet lesbian snakes
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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