Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Sponge bath it is.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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