HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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