I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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