i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
