Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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