dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
