There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
