just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
