Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
