If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
