Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
