i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
