Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
