She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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