Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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