I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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