Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
