If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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