Where are you?
In a non slutty way
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
