Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Don't make out with my wife yet
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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