So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
