I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
