I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
organizing the empties. That sober.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
