hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
