I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
