I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
