So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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