so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
