just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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