At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
