Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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