Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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