Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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