well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
3 2 1 whiskey
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
