Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
