i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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