he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
