just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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