I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
