If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
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He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
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I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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