i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
