he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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