You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
