the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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