Princesses don't give blow jobs
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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