this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
