I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
