In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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