so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
