So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
