Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
