Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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