so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
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I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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