i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
