mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
