Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
