sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize