i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize