At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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