Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
