Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
