Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
They left me at home... I'm a liability
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
