I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If that was your dad, he is hot
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
