listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
