At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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